All right guys! There is the statistic out there that has been bugging me for years. Women, on average, outlive us by 5 years. Because life insurance companies can count on women to follow through with their end of the bargain, the give them better life insurance rates than us guys. But I have a plan!!

I went to Wikipedia and got far more information than I bargained for on the subject of mortality tables, but they were as blunt as anyone out there stating that, “tables are usually constructed separately for men and for women because of their substantially different mortality rates.” We don’t even get to be on the same table.

Life insurance companies have the standard mortality tables that assume how long you will live if you are perfectly healthy and then they have mortality tables based on assumptions such as having heart disease or diabetes, and then they break it down even further and they have assumptions depending on how old you were at the time you were diagnosed. I’m thinking they probably have a table that differentiates between whether I really earned my high school diploma or if I was just given a diploma to get me out of the building.

There is one playing field. In Montana, quite some time ago, some brilliant legislator chauvinist person (Chauvinist in Montana means stupid), decided that the way to take that break away from women was to have unisex rates. Women pay the same rates as men in one place in the whole world. Women don’t much like men in Montana anymore.

So, men…..my plan. We all have to agree to this or it won’t work. We all have to execute a living will that states that at the time of our demise we insist on being put on life support for 6 years. That will flip the whole mortality assumption thing around and we will be the gender with the cheapest insurance…..My nephew is on board. That’s two of us.

Bottom line. Mortality tables aren’t perfect, but, like it or not it’s what insurance companies use to decide what you will pay.