I guess I certainly never claimed I was mood disorder free and in fact sometime during the life of this blog I likely owned up to long term mild depression and maybe a bit of anxiety. And until this last November I would have stuck to that story and made that my final answer in true game show nunciation, but Thanksgiving day changed my (self) diagnosis and my life and even though life insurance didn’t end up playing a role in this, it almost did.
I tried to commit suicide November 27th. I won’t go into sordid details of the botched attempt but let’s just leave it at this. It was a serious attempt, not a cry for attention, and most assuredly not brought on by mild anything. In retrospect I have had suicidal ideations for at least 10 years if not much longer and they became so common place that they felt normal. While I didn’t succeed in ending my life, I did end up sustaining a traumatic brain injury, TBI. I was hospitalized for six days, three of that in ICU for the brain injury and then three in a mental wing of a hospital to address the suicide attempt.
Not too long after that it became obvious that whatever led to the suicide attempt was now secondary, or maybe the tip of the iceberg, to another, rapidly growing issue, the mental after shock of the TBI. I started having mood swings the likes of which I had never encountered except in reading through medical records of people I was helping get life insurance with bipolar disorder. I had sure never had these feelings up close and personal before. My behavior since then has been nothing short of bizarre. I’ve hurt several people, but mostly I have hurt wife because I filed for divorce and then have clung to her (off and on) as I’ve gone through this roller coaster ride. I’m bringing this up because I was never told upon release from the hospital to pay attention for this kind of behavior and neither was my wife. I think I may have been referred to a neurologist. I think I got a call from a neurologist after a few weeks, maybe a month after I left the hospital and didn’t know why they were calling so never made an appointment.
Bottom line. As I struggle day to day, some days fighting to piece my marriage back together and other days fighting just as hard to blow it apart, I know I can’t be the only person that has been through this rearrangement of brain cells due to a head injury and subsequent loss of impulse control. I hope this might help someone to reach out for help. Hopefully I will recover from this but in the interim I will do my best to help with your life insurance needs. If you have questions or would like to talk, call or email me directly. My name is Ed Hinerman.